blah!

I've decided I hate math class. Starting now.

:::SIGH:::: Well Then...

so i haven't been on in a while. sue me. i'm sorry that i have a life and have other things to do than go on this thing and update all the time. actually, i just recently found it saved on my favorites and realized that this is where i used to post my pictures so i could share them with some friends in romania. it's been 2 years since i even touched this thing so i figured i should put a post up on here and maybe start to occationally write on here as well as continue with its original purpose, which was to put up my photos.So, here i am, its 1am, i have class in 8 hours and i really can't fall asleep. thats seems to be the general *theme* in my life. i can never fall asleep. and then i have a full day of school and work waiting for me in the morning. its ridiculous how i really don't have time for anything anymore. sometimes i even forget that i need to take a piss i'm so consumed by it all....not that you needed to know that...i was just trying to exaggerate, but i'm not going to tell you that it has never happened. anyway. lately i've been going through a period of time where i really needed to just sit down and think about the direction i am heading in. now yes, i am only 19 years old(20 in over a month), but i've been through some experiences that really shook me up. Right through the middle of my senior year in high school was probably when reality started to slowly creep up on me. oh it was coming and without warning, i got bitch smacked so hard i can still feel it sometimes. all i can say is that i probably had the perfect ending to high school, really, one for the books. going back to the motherland for about a month and then spending every second i had with my friends up until the day they had to leave for school. it was that summer we all became closer than ever. of course throughout the years we've all had our ups and downs and an argument here and there. we've even lost a couple friends, as well as gained some new ones. in the end, what was left the of vast empire of which we liked to call "the crew" we all managed to stay in touch through the magic that is Facebook. for every break and holiday we always manage to get EVERYONE together and that makes me happy. seeing everyone happy makes me happy. 

now that i've veered off track and made myself sound completely cliche and sappy, i continue. actually i've forgotten what what point was.................ugh, yes, sitting down and thinking....ugggh. yes. so. i've decided that grew up much sooner than i thought i would, and of course it scares me. but i have come to terms with it. my life is just filled with so much...responsibility that i don't really know how to handle sometimes. i go to school full time, i work...basically full time ( i mean they might as well i really do have and extra change of clothes and shoes there) and not to mention my CC bills and Cell phone bill. it all just eats me up like Godzilla attacking a small Japanese city. 

well...i've managed to reduce my stress and not think about it so much and just kinda let ride out and just see what happens. not exactly the best of plans but every sea has its rough patch of waves, i just need to grab a tighter hold on my raft until i pass through. my parents worry about be alot. i know they do, not to mention i feel it. i really got to them when i dropped out of my old college and transfer to a new one (which i LOVE), a much more expensive one. oh, did i also mention i did while they were both out of the country and took out loans and didn't tell them until a couple weeks before my classes start? yeah. they were really excited about that one.16 grand. awsome. OH, and the best part. i did it all so i could try my hand in Fashion and not Business Administration which was what i was majoring in before. yeah i was their favorite. but even after doing all that, and for once, really going against them with this huge "fuck you guys", it felt right. they understood it and they see i'm doing SO much better so its all good. i always tell myself that everything is going to turn out fine in the end. and about 98% of the time it does. the other 2%, i learn, pick myself up and try again. it always will turn out alright, even if my ways are a little bit "unorothox". its my way of learning, its how my brain makes sense of it all. 

well...now that i just completely rambled on about..."Stuff" i'm finally sleepy. i need to wake up in 6 hours for class. awsome. goodnight and good luck.